just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
