I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
