im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
