so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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