FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Come see our sink grown plant.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
