It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
smell my finger.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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