the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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