Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
