We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
