his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
