I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
