He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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