I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
