adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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