she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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