as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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