We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
