i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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