I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
