Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
