Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
