My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize