Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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