Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
