i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
