When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
