If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows