Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom