I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
