omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
