i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
