I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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