I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
