Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
