I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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