I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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