My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
