Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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