Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
