kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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