I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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