I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
