I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
