Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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