Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
