I love black thongs
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
