I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
