I think my fart just growled at me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sorry about my life...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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