she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
