All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
