I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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