Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
