I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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