You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
