So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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