There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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