how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
