Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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