oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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