my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
