i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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