belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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