She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
