god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
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if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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