I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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