dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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