So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
