Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
