this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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