1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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