Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
