yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
