why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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