Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
